Em's Twisting Kaleidoscope

I have been a short-tempered person for as long as I can remember. I am impatient and need answers- stat. Today, after spending time apart from someone I love a lot over after waging a pointless war for two days, I stopped and looked back. War is war. Whether it's on land or in your mind. It causes destruction. So what prevents war? I am not delusional enough to think I have answers for significant world problems here. But if we were living in an abstraction, what would it be that stopped war? That stopped people from fighting each other and killing each other? What is it that drives one to trespass onto another's territory- physical or metaphysical? Is it not anything but the lack of inner peace? Today, I believed that there was something bigger than myself in this world. Maybe, I was part of it. Maybe, I was emotionally invested in it. And maybe, it was unbelievably painful.

I feel like I will remember this last month of college in phases. Phase I- The beginning When the end seemed to far away and things were just chill and happy, like all semesters. Just like any other semester, only lesser pressure. The epitome of seniority. Up until the midsems, this is how it was. Then suddenly the midsems came and things changed drastically. Phase II- The Holiday Season The time for beaches and road trips and photos and pretty dresses and food. One last trip with friends et al. I will remember the conversations, the laughter, the illegality :P, the insane amount of food, the incredible hours on the road and the mind numbing amount of music that we heard. The sun, the road, the smiles, it feels like it's just etched in my brain. Phase III- Party Time Carpe Diem was just one big three day blur. With the days spent out in the sun and the nights in a haze of all things toxic. Disco lights and dance music and moving till your feet cant move anymore...

How does mess get cleared up? It seems like a simple thing really. Then why, when our life is spiralling out of control and messy and dirty can't we clear it up? Why doesn't it seem like an easy thing then? In fact, why does it seem like the most God damned difficult thing in the world? You know why? Because we take it all in one go. Let me explain. Imagine a messy room. Wrappers all over it. Imagine the cupboard with unfolded clothes falling out of it.  Imagine the bedsheet undone and no place to sit. Now imagine. This  is your life. There is no masterstroke or magical clean sweep to get it all done in a second. You cannot do it one go. You know how that room goes from trashy to sparkly? You pick every single wrapper one by one and throw it in a bin. You pick every single cloth one by one and fold it, then put it in piles. You fix the bed sheet. You do the steps one by one. Within the steps, you do the sub-steps one at a time. There is no short cut. You have ...

I went for my first swimming lesson today after a long time; and by a long time, I mean almost ten years. It's not that I am completely unaware of how to wade through water, but let's just say I'd rather be doing it only in situations when I'm forced to save my life. That is my experience with swimming. I do it in rare situations so as to not die. Anyway, I stood at the edge of the pool, too scared to get in. I mean, it was 12 feet deep. I don't mind dying but I'd rather not die with water flooding inside me. My instructor told me to get in. A strict as she was, I went down the steps. After a while she asked me to show her what I know. I stared at her. What if I drown? She told me to try so she could at least she what she had to teach. Grudgingly, I complied. After years, I swam with all I had towards the nearest support, after which I looked nothing less thana person who had just faced death. My eyes wide open, I looked at her accusingly. My instructo...

I've had a fascination with this red dress for a long time. Well, i got the dress when I was a teenager but other than one odd party, I never wore it. I don't know why, but I just kept the dress. It was a bright dress, strappy with a deep neck but a knee length skirt. Movie material, right? When I started dating.. dating.. hm, yeah.. i guess, well, when i got into my first (and only) relationship, I just never had  a chance to wear it. When we initially started going out, I wasn't really asked out. So, there was never a first date, you know. We went from being classmates, to partners, to friends, to best friends to something completely different. And by then we practically already did everything together. So what was a date and what wasn't couldn't be told apart, y'know? Even now, it's not like we pick out what's a romantic date and what isn't. So afterwards, I thought one day really special, I'm going to wear it and feel like a fucking prin...

The night the announcement of banning higher denomination currency notes in India was made, there was a sudden frenzy. My phone was exploding. Everybody was glued to the live news of the announcement. People were worried about how they were going to survive. I was worried about how the poor were going to survive.  My mom suggested we go have a coffee. And so we did. We drove through relatively empty streets as it was late at night to come to a relatively bustling cafe on Carter Road in Mumbai's Bandra surburb.  As we sat down to order, we heard a worried voice talking in an agitated voice over the phone, "Buy shares. I don't know. Put it in the Swiss account." We couldn't decipher anymore as he moved away, but one thing was clear. People were figuring out ways to clear their hoarded cash. ATMs were jampacked with people trying to withdraw an amount of 400 so as to get notes of 100. The next day, every petrol station had a queue of about 250m outside ...

Dear Eman, I meant to write this to you a week or so ago but could not find the time or rather was little too lazy. However, I feel it is imperative I write this letter to you today. I first wish to remind you...tell you... well, i hope, that whenever you read this letter you read it with the same openness of heart that you have in you today.  I'll start with the hope that the world hasn't robbed you of your optimism and happiness.  What prompted me to write this letter was when I recently saw you smile at strangers and wish airport employees and hawkers Happy Diwali. These gestures made me realise you're still preserved from the toxins of the world where people forget to aplogise for ramming into each other and well Trump has won the election, etc etc But then I figured what if you change? You know you'll grow up and get busy and then what? So here goes. Eman. Please. Never be so caught up in work to forget to smile at someone around you. Never be...